Sunday Rant

by Amanda on January 15, 2012

I have had a call from someone who said:

We’ve been trying to get hold of you for weeks now!

This is someone who works in a government department. Someone whose call I was waiting for. Did I know they were trying to get in touch with me?

No!answer-machine

I can tell you why I didn’t know. It’s because they call my landline from a withheld number and don’t leave a message on the answering machine. I get home and find that I have missed calls, but I have no way of knowing who they’re from and therefore I can’t return the call. Now, assuming that they have no choice about the withheld number, assuming that the office phone system doesn’t give them an option on that one, then aren’t they lucky that I went to the expense of buying a phone with a decent answering machine. That should solve the problem, but nooooo! They absolutely refuse to leave a bloody message, usually having waited until after the beep to decide that they’d rather not, thank you. So, I arrive home to a flashing light, I listen to my blank, two second message and then I head for the calls list to see who it was… Withheld.

People who do this! Be aware that it is extremely irritating. That’s fine, it’s just a passing irritation. HOWEVER! When you do get hold of me and start to bitch about how many times you’ve tried to call me, despite having been offered the chance to have me call you back. You are just begging for me to pop round to your office and slap you repeatedly with a rolled up phone book.

Consider yourselves warned…

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WARNING! ABNORMAL!!

by Amanda on January 4, 2012

A question which is often asked on forums is

Has anybody ever had a relationship with a working girl?

Duh!

No, we’re all man hating bitches

or

No! We all turn into wolves after midnight and spend the hours until 7am maiming and killing unsuspecting folk on their way home from the pub. Incidentally people,  please stop eating kebabs! They give you a funny aftertaste.

or

Yes, of course they have you silly arse!

You choose…

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May You Live In Interesting Times…

by Amanda December 28, 2011

Whoever wished that one on me had better watch out, because if I find out who it was, I’m going to stand on their bunions… HARD! My life over the last six weeks or so has been eventful, to say the least, but it seems to be settling back to something almost recognisable as normal [...]

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Busy Lizzie

by Amanda October 31, 2011

Or busy Amanda as the case may be. I’m currently all booked up until Tuesday 8th November. I have had a lot of enquiries about incalls just lately, so just to remind you all. I am not currently able to provide incalls, but I can visit you at your home or hotel, subject to my [...]

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At Death’s Door

by Amanda October 1, 2011

Oh woe is me, for that is where I have been. I have had a moderately bad cold a near fatal case of man-flu. I still sound hoarse as hell rather husky and sexy, so I shall make my fortune (obviously) over the next few days by offering “Lauren Bacall phone sex”. Either that or [...]

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An Open Letter

by Amanda September 6, 2011

To someone who’ll probably never read it.   Dear whatever you name is, As much as I would obviously love to meet you in the truck stop tomorrow night for an hour long bunk up extravaganza in the cab of your lorry, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to make it. I would also [...]

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Coupons? Seriously?

by Amanda September 6, 2011

Coupons always remind me of my Nan. You’d find her sat at the kitchen table with the daily paper (after Grandad had finished with it of course) and a pair of scissors, scouring them for any sign of coupons (she pronounced it kewpons) for anything at all, didn’t matter whether or not it was something [...]

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Male Escorts

by Amanda August 28, 2011

Disclaimer: This is just my opinion and it may be wrong¹   If I had a penny for every time I’ve heard I reckon I’d make a great male escort, don’t you think so? I’d have a significant amount of pennies. What’s your point/the problem? I hear you ask. Well, there are several, to be [...]

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XXX

by Amanda August 26, 2011

As you probably know, they (the powers that be) are rolling out a new TLD, the aptly named .xxx. The idea being that the adult industry can pop over there and be deviant out of the public eye. Now, I truly believe that this is the TLD version of a leper colony and that every [...]

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Squonuts and other less important stuff

by Amanda August 22, 2011

Yes really. I have no room to talk, because anyone who knows me will tell you that I amuse myself on a daily basis by making up new words for things and bastardising the words we have been very kindly provided with already, but squonuts? I mean, it’s not as if all other doughnuts are [...]

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